As sit in panera bread eating this stale bagel (baked fresh what?) I've decided to become involved and We strongly believe our views are not only rational, but nearly seamless in their content. 

This is an honest heartfelt review of your website, Ultimate Guitar.com, and in particularly the forum set up/it's contributors, as well as the websites all around functionality and design. 

Now: The Good, The Bad, and I guess i'm going to have to play the role of your favorite Drunk Uncle -> Big Fuckin' Ugly. 

Mainly in a rapidly-genderated initial impression of disgust to the layout of  this lemon-website debacle you're running over here. Navigating through the ANALs of this site is much like trying to find your way through a maze while being blindfolded @ night. not to mention over razorblades with a head full of a good BUZZ. We've seen the strongest of minds crumble beneath our Red Wing Iron Rangers. 

With that said, I'm extremely disappointed to say: I am amazed by the amount of inaccuracies found in this cess pool of bad information; shadowed by it's uneducated, uniformed, conservatively narrow minded forum "contributors?"  I use the word contributor loosely, solely on the fact that it appears to be a magnet for people who look to get the least out of life, while maximizing EVERY opportunities based only on their power trips and personal agendas. We'll just refer to them as UltimateSuperTroopersWhoGetOffOnJamming up your Grandmother with a J Walking ticket on the way to get her neighbor's mail. I mean WTF they're always on Vacation. In Fact I think it's our mail she keeps stealing, we haven't gotten any bills in quite sometime and I'm still able to charge We's macbook so.... 

what do you want me to do? I'd love to change the world. 

But I'll leave it up to you bunch of mediocre scrubs.  

Look to Watchtowermusicblog.com to further your understanding of a sub par, ratty, ignorant website in comparison to one that harbors an explosion of lateral-racing- ALL original, creative thought. and by doing so not only outside the box, We're going to use the cardboard from it as kindling to assassinate subpar internet entities like the one i'm writing for right now. you're welcome. finally some literate online literature. (Do I smell a bit irony? or is that just the visual equivalent to South Street's pungent population of the Homeless?)

Oh no, it's your website, noSunshine, JustRainonacloudyday. Great, my motorcycles getting wet and I have to make a break for it back to the Watchtower house to put up more quality content. 

Always working! With tireless Stamina! We're ready for our shot at the belt. and although you're a far cry from Floyd Mayweather (we're more like the Floyd Mayweather) we feel it'd still make for an easy first round Ko against a much less prepared opponent. Sorry? never. "We don't apologize for our genius." (Gee thanks Keith Buckley from the band Every Time I Die for such an adorable lyric quote. You guys always hit the nail on the head straight through the board into our <3's. 

let me explain myself further. 

Especially in regards to this incident that has been brought to my attention:
We're sorry to inform you that your account has been banned by DisarmGoliath.

Now I have to live with the fact that We @ the Watchtower have something in common with this sorry sight of a site. (Like that?) It appears you've banned one of our writers as well as a member of our marketing department. 

He can be a tough one to tolerate @ times, talk about an eccentric streaming aura of hilarious shit. (you think you've seen him on a roll? wait till you see that mother fucker when he's  drinking). We have to live with him!

Normally I find myself writing these types of pieces to review bands and venues in the local Philadelphia area, as well as cleaning up the mess usually left behind in his wake. And we wouldn't have it any other way. He's one of the greatest word smiths we have and I challenge anyone of you to find yourself a better marketer (looks like your site could fucking use one)

This is a HUGE deterrent of traffic to yourwebsite, first of all you da-da-dumbies. Don't realize that the Nerd in charge here @ Ultimate-nothingtodowithguitarbesides send you down the wrong rabbit hole, teaching and force feeding it's users not only an inferior product but also a landslide of useless irrelevant information. Can't you feel yourself suffocating already?

Is it hot in here?
Or is it hotter over at my shameless plug for a website that celebrates artists, venues, music makers, instrument building, live jamming, professionally embedded video content exclusive to only OUR destination. 

After reviewing his posting history on your forums, I see no reason for an apology. He stayed 100% in the guidelines just as much as anyone else on the forum. I feel he was unjustly targeted by a moderater, some of his/her/manginaowners may know him as Username: Disarm Goliath. and we plan it. 

From here moving forward, Disarm Goliath will be known to the Watchtower Music Blog nation as Babyarm Goliath. 

For those of you users on this website that may be a little slower in thought processing (noooooo on this site? sheesh), I'll break it down for you. A baby's arm holding an apple is a popular metaphor for you and us goddamn well know what. And we plan on ramming one  straight down his esophagus as well as any entity associated with such a communist narrow minded swine. I hope you don't pay him @ all, and if you do, I hope it's only 2 cents. Which is what i'm giving you. OURS, I'm willing to give the website 2 cents of my own capitol, contigent upon the debadging of Baby'sArmStuckInMyTurdCutterButIGuessItTastesBetterThanHeyThat'sMyOwnFeetYourMarketerHasBeenForceFeedingMeThesePastFewHoursLikeAVincentBlackLightningWideFuckingOpenOnTheBonnevilleSaltFlats authority over the banning and removal of your members (Who generate the site $$$$$. Those are dollar signs. And your to be receiving less and less when We do some fabricating on this glass house you represent with fire, lightning and a sledgehammer is the only tool we can afford. 

Here's what We're up to:

We on some door-to-door now
Order ten dollars or more, and we'll shove it down your throat for free!
I'll sacrifice my inborn tendencies
For copper pennies for the one commanding "Gimme that"
So We can retain baby fat. 

and listen to as much Aesop Rock as possible while doing so. 


Is it noisy? Ha Ha Ha

hyuck, yuck yuck :tearsoflaughter:

Ummm Did We just rename your moderator "Baby'sArmStuckInMyTurdCutterButIGuessItTastesBetterThanHeyThat'sMyOwnFeetYourMarketerHasBeenForceFeedingMeThesePastFewHoursLikeAVincentBlackLightningWideFuckingOpenOnTheBonnevilleSaltFlats" ?

Yes. Yes we did. 

Well I'd be ( and not as prone to be as other websites I can think of) 

a goddamned preacher behind the pipe organ with the altar boy if I could find a better marketer and I'd be:

A goddamn nut deposite on it's ebony bloodstained keys if we didn't just let him type this, 
you poor pathetic soft pastey dungeon masters! Suck me@ Watchtower.com. 

This tiny little box on We's computer screen, located deep in the bowels of the inter web now belong to tWe. We are fortunate enough to live in a country that allows us to support ourselves while maintaining a firm erection/lust for the days ahead/to come, a thirst for nothing but knowledge truths through delivering as well as offering a first-rate onsite into the underground Philadelphia music scene, and all with a smile that We just can't seem to wipe off our distorted mugs. 

How's that old saying go? Mess with horns and and something about mounting a bull because you're all a bunch of uneducated internet hicks? We've been over here filing the Tips of our double-U into tapered, well lubricated ivory piercing projectiles. For all dada-dumby population, it's similar in some was to bringing your best calf to battle a over juiced wrestle mania version of an armored triceratops from the doors of your mind that your parents told you never to open. Oopsy Daisy!

Attn:

EVERYBODY!

We the American working population
Hate the fact that eight hours a day
Is wasted on chasing the dream of someone that isn't us
And we may not hate our jobs
But we hate jobs in general
That don't have to do with fighting our own causes
We the American working population
Hate the nine to five day-in day-out
But we'd rather be supporting ourselves
By being paid to perfect the pastimes
That we have harbored based solely on the fact
That it makes us smile if it sounds dope

There's pictures of him on there. Like this one We just found on our server.....

We'll even do your writing homework for you for a bit composition. Who else offers that? Hell We'll do it for 2 cents. Hell we'll do it for the two cents i'm willing to pay you. remember? (in comedy lingo, this is called a "callback". Thank you Howard Stern. Please run for president, and then Run on over to see We @watchtowermusicblog.com

that's watchtowermusicblog.com (Getting it right the FIRST time)

you did write this down.... didn't you ThickDense Skulls filled with pudding? (my favorite kind of popsicle)

Does the hardware seem like it will last? 

No. Na. Nope. Doubt it. Prove it? (We plan to).  Doesn't seem so. Reference above passages for in depth analysis and highlight reel. The Watchtower Army will continue to FIREBOMBTHEFUCKOUTTA this website until documented proof of action against your main douchebag moderator is produced. 

Are the strap buttons solid? No. Of course not. Look @ this shithole. We couldn't trust them to keep even BabyArmInjectionsOfEveryTypeAccepted's shitty Squier Strat his parents bought him off the floor. Everyone knows those things ain't worth a a steady continuous fountain of lukewarm bubbling piss in a wishing well full to the brim with feces. Sucks to be our Huckleberry, Doesn't it, Doc (valentines)Holiday? 

Last of the peace offerings (or our Follow's are going to think we've gone limp like all you guys who can still crank their chubs to Fred Dursts backwards red baseball hat. And even ejaculate! OH the wonderful horror. The very LEAST you can do (your job, like... as site manager) is review my marketing teams forum posts and user profile and communicate a rational, thought out, in depth explanation as to why We're not allowed to be a member on a website that is based on similar content (in theme @least) to We'z. 

All requests for therapy admissions, please contact We’z marketing depot: @http://www.watchtowermusicblog.com

Forever yours, 
The motherfucking management. 

This has been brought to you by the lovely people I can’t say enough about over athttp://watchtowermusicblog.com

I can send you a logo if you’re willing to include it on your website. It’s just business. and there’s no crying in rock n roll. or baseball? no there’s crying in baseball because that’s a faggy sport. 

Real men play sports like Hockey. 

There’s also no room for crying in business. No butthurt feelings okay? If anything you read here offended you you may contact the OP with @ Watchtower’s brand spankin’ new complaint depot. Biz is a booming these days! Go figure. 

Let’s go Flyers!
Let’s go Eagles!
MGMT